


Anxiety

by hirusen



Series: Headcanon Sanders Sides [2]
Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Comfort, Comfort Reading, Coping Mechanisms, Couch Cuddles, Fidgeting, Forehead Kisses, Holding Hands, Hugs, Kissing, Listening To Someone Reading, M/M, Nail Chewing, Nonverbal Communication, Oral Fixation, Pen(s), Platonic Kissing, Platonic Relationships, Scents & Smells, Sensory Overload, Sharing Clothes, Stimming, Tags Are Hard, The Mindscape, Virgil Doesn't Talk When He's Having An Anxiety Attack, Virgil Has Insomnia, drawing on skin, fidget toys, painting nails
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-03-27 16:42:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13884906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hirusen/pseuds/hirusen





	1. Confusion

Thomas was just conversing back and forth with Patton and Logan, bouncing ideas off of Roman, when they noticed that Virgil had suddenly sat down on the stairs. He has been a little off since Thomas summoned him, having been picking at the sleeve of his jacket, but he's done that plenty of times before when he was bored, or just needed his hands or fingers to be  _doing_ something. Him being restless wasn't an uncommon thing, given who he was, but this seemed to be...a little different than normal. Perhaps he's so twitchy because he didn't get as much sleep as he normally does (though Logan would protest that getting only one full cycle of sleep a night wasn't healthy either).

It became clear to Roman what was happening with Virgil when he started to bounce his leg. "Virg? You okay?" He said nothing, didn't even respond to the Prince--which had the others attention--and Roman knelt to his level when he brought his thumb to his mouth, beginning to chew on the nail. "Where's your necklace, honey?" Roman asked when he didn't reach for his stim, going for the substitute instead. Logan opened his mouth to stop Roman as he reached for Virgil's neck, but stopped when Virgil had no real reaction to him coming so deeply into his personal bubble.

Roman gently moved the heavy jacket away from Virgil's neck a little and didn't see the black cord that was normally wrapped around his pale skin. Patton and the others raised a brow when Roman reached into his pocket and pulled out a necklace with a large open circle in the form of a dragon, draping it over Virgil's neck. Immediately, Virgil replaced his nail with the ordainment that dangled from the black string, them seeing as he started to move his jaw to chew on it and witnessing as the dragon had a give to his chewing, deforming a little each time he bit down. Roman leaned in and placed a little kiss to Virgil's forehead, extending his hand to see if he needed another physical point of contact to help ground himself. When he didn't take the offered hand, Thomas thought that Roman stood up because he was offended, but then he noticed the little worried smile on Roman's lips.

"What's going on, Princey?" Roman glanced to Thomas, still at Virgil's side and just smiled. "Don't worry about it, okay? This sometimes happens with Virgil, just...leave it be for now." "I'm still surprised. This seems like something Virgil would deal with by himself, whatever this may be." Logan stated and Roman chuckled warmly. "He was until we started dating; he told me about it, what he does to help when he's like this, and what I can do to help him out. But, really, this is where we should drop the subject; bringing attention to it only keeps him like this for longer." The dead serious way Roman said that last part didn't even give the others a chance to ask anything else. The topic was dropped, end of story.


	2. Informed

Two weeks later, Virgil dodging any questions about what happened those weeks prior, Thomas was recording a video with all of them when Anxiety suddenly snared Roman's hand while the camera was on him. Roman quickly turned it off, seeing that Virgil was sitting on the stairs again, digging in his pocket for something, and stepped closer so he wasn't straining Anxiety's arm too much. "Nail polish?" Logan asked when he pulled it out, but he, Thomas, and Patton lost their jaws when Roman just sat down next to him, his left hand resting just below Virgil's right kneecap, fingers splayed apart a little.

Patton watched as Roman again moved his hand into Virgil's personal space, this time pulling up the necklace he must have asked about last time, which was a large, raindrop shaped ordainment, lifting it to Virgil's mouth who eagerly parted his lips to take the item into his teeth, chewing on it as he removed the brush from the polish, taking Roman's hand into his own. The others were silent as they watched Virgil tenderly move the skin around Roman's nail before he started to apply the paint. "Roman...what is going on?" He looked over to Virgil, knowing that he was laser focused on the task at hand, and leaned closer until his forehead was resting against Virgil's cheek gently. "Is it okay if I tell them?" It was after he asked this question did Logan realize that Roman's voice was soft, and had been like that the last time he was talking  **to**  Virgil, keeping his voice just a half octave lower than his normal speaking level when addressing them.

Virgil's pinky finger tapped against his wrist twice and Roman grinned, pressing a kiss to Virgil's cheek. "Thank you, my raven." He turned his attention back to the rest of the group. "Virgil, as we all know, has anxiety attacks; what none of you know, and what I didn't know until he told me, is that he will sometimes experience sensory overload when he's having an attack." "Is that's what's happening now?!" Patton nearly shouted, concern for Virgil plain to hear in his voice. "Yes. Virgil's told me that he stims to not only calm himself down, but to sate the oral fixation he has when he's in an attack, no matter how small. It's why he chews on his thumb so often."

Logan feels bad now. He's softly scolded Virgil in the past for chew on his nails, telling him that is wasn't a good thing for him to do; having now learned why he does it, he feels guilty for telling someone with anxiety to not do something that helps them cope. "He does other things too, to help cope with his anxiety: paints his nails, draws on his skin, chews on his necklace, bounces his leg, plays with one of his fidget toys; these are all things we know work to help calm his anxiety and sensory overload." "Why hasn't he told one of us when he's about to have an attack or is having one? He knows we're all willing to help him, right?" Thomas asked, suddenly feeling like a horrible friend and human.

"Because he stops talking as soon as he starts to have one." Roman flatly stated. "He wants to reach out because having someone else there helps him tremendously, but he doesn't have ways of getting any of  _your_  attention, only mine and that's  _only_  because I'm aware of the signs that he's either having or about to have an attack." "But, he clearly uses nonverbal communication." Logan pointed out, but Prince Roman sighed. "It's...not that easy. From how he's explained it to me, when he has sensory overload, everything is extremely loud--even my voice, with how softly I'm talking now, is the equivalent of me yelling--and when he tries to move to get someone's attention, that action is too jarring for him; it turns his already high sensitivity to his surroundings even higher." Patton, poor sweetheart, was looking like someone had kicked his puppy and that he  ** _was_  **the kicked puppy.

Virgil had been taking his time painting Roman's nails a fetching shade of green, having only finished with his middle finger by the time his boyfriend finished talking for now. He didn't know what it was about, outside of possibly what was happening with him, since he was trying to tune out the others voices, trying to muffle all of the too loud sounds he was hearing; even his methodical breathing to help calm himself was painful to hear. But...then the excess noise got softer. He let himself half listen to the others, picking up the concern and worry they all had for him. He chewed on the stim necklace, recalling the day Roman gave it to him; he had bought it for him so Virgil would stop chewing his nails when his oral fixation kicked in. "...I hate to ask this, but how long does his attacks normally last?" Thomas softly questioned, unable to look at the duo on the stairs.

"It all depends on if he's enduring an episode of sensory overload with his attack; sometimes they only last a few minutes, others can be full on hours or even a few days." "A few days?" Patton almost demanded to know, his eyes misting up a little with tears. "Yeah. We hate when those happen, but they are very rare. Judging on his current coping mechanisms, I'd say we've got at least another twenty minutes before he's calm enough to speak." "Still...to think he would lose his ability to communicate; it just baffles my mind." And that wasn't something that happened often with Logan. Virgil was nearly done painting the nails on his left hand, Roman unsure if he was going to start his right hand or not. He smiled instead, as he moved his hand and carefully interlocked their fingers, the Prince making sure that his freshly painted nails didn't touch anything as to not ruin the perfect job Virgil did and increase his anxiety levels.

The others just watched on, feeling completely useless and hopeless, as Roman tenderly stroked his thumb against Virgil's skin, letting him lean against his body, peppering little kisses all over his face and on his hair. "...I'm...sorry, guys." "There's nothing to be sorry for, Virgil. Had we known that you experienced something else along side your anxiety attacks, we would have kept a little better eye on you and tried to help if we felt something was wrong. We should be the ones apologizing." Logic put flatly, sounding a little bit ashamed of himself for not noticing something was wrong like when they had visited Patton's room. "No, it's no ones fault but my own; I kept it a secret for so long that I didn't even tell Roman until he stayed with me through a rather rough one."

Thomas walked over to his anxiety, knelt down, and wrapped his arms around him. "Well that ends now. Remember, I want to make sure that you feel heard, Virgil. We're all more than willing to help you out in whatever way we can, okay? You don't need to shoulder this alone anymore, because you  _aren't_ alone anymore." Virgil stiffened a little, but then he wrapped his free arm around his human's shoulders, his face hiding in the nook of his neck. "Thanks, Thomas. I'll...try to reach out to you guys." "That's all we can ask for, Virgil."


	3. Suffocating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was personally having an anxiety when I wrote this chapter. Not making this note for any other purpose than letting you know that.

It hit him like a bolt of lightning to the back of his skull. It was all suddenly too much.

Virgil crumbled onto the couch and curled up into a tight ball, rocking himself back and front as a means to try and calm himself. But it wasn't exactly working; he could feel his ribs crushing in on his lungs, causing his breaths to be shorter and tighter. He could feel his heartbeat becoming stronger and stronger, actually able to  _FEEL_ each beat in his chest. His body trembled like a man desperately clinging to the ledge of a sheer cliff side as his strength began to wan. His skin was alive with energy and it made it feel like it was crawling all over him all at once. He felt as bile started to rise in his throat as the sensations grew stronger.

He heard but chose to ignore the sound of the front door opening and closing. He heard but chose to ignore the sudden, panicked yelp of his own name. And among all of the sensations that pounded on everything, he saw as Logan came into his view, kneeling so they were at eye level. Logan wasn't sure what to do. Yes, they all swore that they were going to help Virgil when he has anxiety attacks and possibly sensory overload with them. Yes, Roman gave them the basics of what they needed to do when Virgil was going through an attack. But Logan wasn't prepared to find Virgil like this.

"Virgil?" He called softly, seeing how Anxiety's eyes seemed to quickly snap between total focus and completely unfocused. "Virgil, if you can hear and understand me, I would like for you to rest one of your hands on your kneecap. Doesn't matter which one, okay?" He spoke and released a soft breath when he saw that Virgil did as he asked. "I am going to ask you simple questions and all I would like you to do is tap once for yes and twice for no. Do you understand that?" He tapped his kneecap once. "Are you having an anxiety attack right now?" One tap. "Are you experiencing sensory overload as well?" One tap.

Logan nodded his head and swallowed nervously; he respected Virgil's personal space and really didn't want to do this, but Roman basically ordered them to do this if Virgil was in sensory overload. "I'm going to bring up your stimming necklace to your mouth. Is that okay with you?" One tap. "Alright. I apologize if I accidentally touch you." Logan stated as he slowly reached a hand well into Virgil's personal space, the tip of his finger touching the cord for his necklace and carefully pulled it out; Logan grabbed the part that was attached to the necklace and then lifted it to Virgil's lips, seeing as he eagerly parted them and took the ordainment between his teeth, gently chewing on it a moment later.

"Is there anything else you would like to do?" Logan asked after he relaxed a little when Virgil's trembling calmed down quite a bit. He tapped once on his kneecap before he reached into his hoodie and pulled out a pen.  _Writing on the skin, okay._ "Virgil? Would it be okay if I wrote something on you first?" After a moment he tapped once and offered the pen to Logic. "Thank you. May I see your left wrist?" Virgil nodded this time and offered the clothed arm to Logan; Thomas's logical side carefully pulled both the sleeve of the hoodie and his undershirt up enough to expose a long strip of skin, carefully placing his free hand onto the back of Virgil's before he clicked the pen and wrote something onto his arm.

Once he was finished, he handed the pen back to Virgil and freely offered both of his arms to Anxiety, letting him draw and write on him. He found that Virgil drew little hearts on the inside of his elbows and wrists, writing comforting words to and for Logan on his right arm, while doing simple math or science problems on his left. With each stroke of the pen, Virgil felt as his lungs could finally expand past a sharp pant and that he could no longer feel his heart beating against his chest. Even the loudness of the world around him calmed, the light in the room dimming back to normal and the colors faded into less intense shades.

It took a full half hour, but Virgil finally released his necklace from his teeth. "Thank you, Logan... I...I don't know why I got like that so suddenly." "I do." Virgil's eyes snapped to Logic's. "Thomas has been stressing out about the future projects he's been planning. Plus, there happened to be a spider in his room and it crawled onto him." Oh. No wonder this episode happened so suddenly. Virgil knew he would have one eventually thanks to the projects, but he had no clue about the whole spider thing. "But, you are doing better now, yes?" Logan asked and Virgil hummed. "Again, thank you. I..." Logan just chuckled and threaded his fingers through Virgil's hair, leaning in and pressing a kiss to his cheek. "It's not a problem, Virgil. Would you like me to find Roman?" "Please?" Logan smiled and nodded his head, standing up and left to find the fanciful side. Virgil took that time to read what Logan wrote on him and he smiled warmly as he read it.

_We are here for you, nightingale._


End file.
